14th June 2021.

Dear S, how have you been? I have been thinking about you a lot. It might be weird, but I feel like I am breathing in the same patterns as you are. Not that I remember what you breathed like. I must seem like a fool to you. It has been so long since I saw you. I have been pretending that you are here with me. It has been so long since I heard from you. Are you even reading my letters? I remember when you could plush thoughts from my brain, now you seem like a stranger. Albeit a beautiful one. Where have you gone?  It has been so long since I saw your smile. I want to see you shine through again. 


15th June 2021

Dear S, it rained today. I remember you used to love the rain. It is weird how even the littlest of the most mundane occurrences remind me of you. I remember how much happiness your heart was filled with when you used to dance in the rain. I want to feel happy when I see the sky pour its heart out, but all I see is gloom and grey. I know the sky bleeding; I see the gods crying. It doesn't feel like a happy time. I know your soul was filled with joy, but mine is drained. I try, I do, but I always fall short. I can't help but cry. I can't help but weep. I do miss you dearly.


16th June 2021

Dear S, come back home. Please. I have been trying to live without you, without your minor remarks, without your love, but I am finding it impossible. You don't have to love me, just come back, just send a word back, one that is filled with sunshine. I am cold. I am bare, clothe me. Let me bask in your warm light again. I cannot smile without you. I do not think I can continue. I have been trudging on.


17th June 2021

Dear S, I cannot seem to breathe. Maybe it is the humidity. It feels as if someone is closing their hands on my neck. I want to feel free again. But, unfortunately, my mind is losing its way to the mindless town. Is it not funny, I am calling out to someone who is within me? But then again, why do I feel like I have lost you? Why do you seem like a different person even though I have lived like you? Why were you so happy? Where are you? Where is my mind? Where is my sunshine? Why have I lost myself in the past year? Tell me, did you lose your way? Why are you not responding?

My happiness seems like a dream, a surreal one. Let me be happy once again. Or at least let me learn how to swim. Come back, give me my sunlight back. 


18th June 2021

Dear me, come back.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Letters to No One

 I keep dreaming about you. I do not know why. Who are you? Why are you prancing around in my subconscious? What knowledge are you withholding? Tell me. I am but a reflection of myself. I exist in your mind; I live in your reality. I am a figment of your imagination. I am a traveller; I keep seeing you. Under a shady tree, on the train, I have seen you cry alone. I have seen you meandering across your mind. Tell me, where are you going? Why are you always at my destination before me? How can you tell me about my hegira?  I have seen you, I have seen you before. I saw you yesterday and the day before. I keep seeing your face. It is breathtaking. I cannot seem to get your visage out of my eyes. You have bewitched me, my wretched heart. I have seen you painted in a multitude of colours, breathing life into my banal world. You seem like a different person every day; your eyes are the same. I know it is you. The moment I look at you, I know it is you. I have been pondering. I have ...
Read more

Two of Us

 Reaching out to the sky, I am not in equilibrium; the world is twisted, and I am on a ship. The chaos and confusion inside my mind the opposite of my face. Pretentious, pretending to be something it is not. I do not own this face, and I cannot control it either. It has a mind of its own, different than that of my hands, my heart. Words flow freely from my fingers, like a young river breaking the barrier between my heart and face, a river of tears streaming down my face. Yet I am here, unbreakable. There are no breaks in my armour. It is vital, unfazed. The pandemonium inside is held in chains. I will not crack; I will not be defeated. I have the strength to be true to myself. I am a river of tears, a wave of sadness I will engulf the painted face, yet here is stand, unbreakable, unyielding. The winds of rage carry the wings of my heart, meandering, poking at the dollface. Smile. Do not show weakness. Anarchy is the antagonist that drives the hands, creating a spew of nonsense. My ...
Read more

A madman's diary, part one

 I asked my homemade god, how can I grasp the strings that make up the fabric of the universe? They said It's straightforward, don't try.  From the meaningless time my conscious has spent in this universe, I have understood that the notion of the ordinary is irrelevant. The laws of physics, which might be the truth in our tiny home, may not be valid anywhere else.  Sometimes, I wonder if my musings hold any meaning. Perhaps it does. But the more I think about it, the more I realise that the universe is meaningless. Its native state is nothingness. It is us, intruders who are searching for meaning in a sea of nothingness. There is no need to look for a purpose. Our pursuit is inconsequential. One can try looking at life with rose coloured glasses in pursuit of immortality. However, this strives to be relevant in futile. Unfortunately, humans give themself's way too much relevance.  This is my personal brand of humour- knowing people who believe their words and actions...
Read more